The Spark and a 2x4

I recently chatted with a good friend of mine who has decided to re-enter the dating scene and came to me with some concerns after her date. Her concerns focused on the issue of "the spark", she was worried about whether or not they were clicking because she didn't feel the spark with him. Now mind you it was a first date and she has only know him for about 6 weeks. However it got me to thinking, how many times have people missed out on something great because they didn't feel "the spark" at the first meeting. So let me expand on this thought for just a moment.


When Matthew and I first met back in college, I would definitely say there were not any sparks happening between us. In fact, if someone had told me that we would get married, I would have laughed in their face. Matthew and I knew about each other and had common friends, but in fact were not friends ourselves. When we became reacquainted a couple of years later through a mutual friend and began to hang out there still weren't sparks. Actually, I would be safe to say that Matthew and I spent about 1 year or longer hanging out as friends with other friends before we had any real sparks fly between us. It was probably another 4 - 5 months before anyone acted on those sparks to change the nature of our friendship. Truth be told it would take a 2 x 4 to make it happen! Most of you know the story as we shared it at our wedding, but for those of you who don't know it or may have forgotten it, here it goes:


Matthew and I both had previous relationships that had ended in disaster or had never materialized because of a lack of interest on the other party. So neither one of us were going to make the first move when the sparks started to fly in our friendship. One night in early December we were having a discussion that broached the subject of letting another person know when you were interested in them. I finally asked the question: "If you aren't going to make the first move and you know she isn't going to make the first move then how are you going to know you're interested in each other?" Matthew's response was. "well I guess my friends are going to have to hit me over the head with a 2x4 and tell me that she's interested in me and I had better do something about it." A couple of weeks later after a weekend trip to go to Matthew's home church in Santa Maria for a dinner theater, I made the decision to let him know that I was definitely interested in something more than just friends. So when we got home from the trip my parting comment to him was, "if you happen to find a 2x4 on your way home tonight, hit yourself over the head!" and then it began!


I am a firm believer that a good marriage is based first on a good relationship as friends and second on love. "Sparks," or passion as some call it, will come and go. These types of feelings will change and grow as the relationship matures. When those feelings aren't there what else do you have to rely on? Friendship! You will want someone that you can just sit and have a conversation with, you will want someone who shares your hobbies and interests. Most of the married couples we know married their best friend. After all when we are much older how much passion can one really have and be able to act on it?


I believe that I gave her some very sound advice with regards to her concerns and reminded her that right now she just need to enjoy the dates! I am very excited for her and what opportunities are ahead for her with dating, and who knows the sparks just might even be there for her?