Cancer and Gossip

So some of you know that my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer a couple of weeks ago. The last 30 days have been a real whirlwind of tests, doctors, more tests and eventually a plan of attack! When I first found out about my mom's cancer, I reacted like most people would in this circumstance: I was angry, mad, discouraged and afraid. I mean we are talking about my mom, things like this don't happen to my mom. They happen to other people's mom's but not mine!


As we have gone through each step and eventually have learned the dreaded news I have been strong for my mom because I know that is what she needs at this time but on the inside I was falling apart. My dear husband simply didn't know what to do for me and I couldn't give him an answer as to what I needed. On the actual day we learned the news, I was at work and I calmly listen to my mom explain to me the situation. Once I was off the phone though, I was a goner, I ran to the bathroom and sobbed for 15 minutes. When I finally emerged, I simply packed up my stuff and went home. That was a long drive home. At that moment all I needed was to crawl into my bed and pull the covers over my head. I wanted to ignore it because it simply wasn't possible. However when a loved one tells you the dreaded news that they have cancer, every possible situation will play out in your head. (Believe me it does.) Some of those images and thoughts are not very pretty either. However through this I have had to maintain a certain maturity about the situation and remain positive. (After all I am a 12 hour/750 mile drive away from my mom and there isn't much I can do for her but be strong and move forward with life.) However I knew that there would be and still may be moments that I am simply not myself and those around me would be affected by it. Especially those people I work with. So with that I elected to only tell a couple of people at the office and swore them to secrecy. Why the secrecy? Simple, the people in my office just "LOVE" to gossip. In general, I tend to be a private person anyway and I don't like to share everything that is going on in my life. Frankly, I don't like to be the topic of gossip and this is especially true at my office. However I learn that it doesn't matter who you swear to secrecy, in the end someone still talks. Maybe because it is the dreaded cancer and people let it slip out. I don't really know. All I know is that I hate being blind-sided by another employee who inquires about my mom, when I know I didn't tell about her situation. And it is equally frustrating when that employee won't tell who told them, just that they had heard it from a lot of people!!



Unfortunately, my mom had a similar experience this week, only the problem was actually worse for her because she hadn't told anyone at her office, especially her boss. She wasn't planning on telling anyone at her office about her cancer yet until the final treatment plan had been put into place. My mom, like me, is a private person, so she didn't want to tell her boss about anything until she knew for sure. The other reason she didn't want to tell him, is that he isn't the most supportive of individuals and my mom and he simply don't get along. However, my mom was planning on talking with him this week since her surgery is next week. So my mom approached him on Monday to tell him and actually learned that he already knew about it. Apparently, someone from outside the my mom's work shared the dreaded cancer new with someone else who knows my mom's boss and that individual told my mom's boss. Talk about being blind-sided! He has known about for almost as long as her and he never approached her about it??? The one good thing that did come out of her meeting, was he did tell her to do what she needs to in order to get better! (That's a first!) I imagine in the weeks to come, he may come to regret that statement! Oh well!!!

Double Dates

Whoever said double dating wasn't any fun, obviously did not have good double daters! In what has become a monthly ritual for us, Matthew and I embarked on double date night with our good friends Jodie and Richard. This time our double date consisted of movies, dinner and Texas Hold'em. Yes I did say movies! Our group could not collectively decide on a movie to go to, so the girls went one way and the guys another! The ladies decided on a "Girlie Period/Historical Piece" aka "The Other Bolyne Girl" and the gents decided on the "Manly man adventure". (Although we did learn that 10,000 BC does have a love story woven into the adventure and in fact is the whole basis for the plot! Hmmm!!!)

Then it was off to Johnny Carino's where we indulged in a love dinner, even if our waitress was less than enthusiastic! I am not sure it had something to do with Richard trying to do her job or the fact he planned to drink his way through the menu by having one of each flavor Italian sodas. (I personally am going with the doing the waitress' job, after all you did sling olive oil all over the table!!)

We then returned to their house for a game of Texas Hold'em. Eventually Richard will learn that this isn't a game to play with Melissa! Why? I have won each and every time we have played. I am what you would call the "silent but deadly" type of player. I won't win each hand but I win when it counts and usually when the pot is big! (Right Richard!) We also can't forget to mention the drinking! Yes the gents were double fisting it again! A few months ago, Richard introduced my husband to a select reserve of Southern Comfort! Now mind you this is Matthew's favorite spirit! So of course being introduced to it only makes one want to have it more often. Unfortunately, this rare selection is only available in England and it is unclear when the next dosage is coming. The gents did end up finishing off the bottle and the pictures below depict their final salute to that great bottle of liquor.

(In the end I was convinced that Richard was going to fall asleep with the bottle tucked into the crook of his arm, because every so often after the bottle had been emptied he would pick it up and suck a few more drops of that precious peach brandy and then caress the bottle!)

Rough Week

This has been a rough week for me. It started off alright but in my efforts to get my home ready for a new dining room table and chairs, I over did it and wretched by lower back. (I was out of week one full day and partial on two days which is never good!) I also sure that some of my back problems are attributed to stress as well. I have been waiting for about three weeks to find out more about my new job including title and who I would be reporting too! Yes this is extremely important to me, because for the last 3 years my boss has been a complete moron. It was my hope that I would once again report to our President. However over the last couple of weeks I began to get concerned that there was new direction our company was taking and I would be reporting to another complete moron whom I don't get along with at all. So much so that I began to consider getting my resume ready as I refuse to report to this individual! But the end of my worries came today. My new title is "Regional Sales Manager" and before anyone asks (except Matthew who beat me to the punch) I don't know what region! Originally my team mate and I had made a suggestion for Director of Business Development titles but apparently that was overruled for some lame reason! In the new organization chart both of us will be reporting to the President which is a very good thing! Now if we get just start with the traveling bit of the job I may find myself of some use in the weeks to come!

Acts of Kindness

I know it has been awhile since I have blogged, I guess that is the problem with having an extremely busy life and a computer that is partially works! Last week I was approached by a good friend and co-worker to inquiry about my blood type. It seems that my co-worker's daughter who is scheduled for surgery later this week needed to stock pile some blood. So without thinking and really knowing what my blood type was I jumped up and said I would donate. (Side Note: I've never donated blood before!) So began the worst bureaucratic nightmare that I have embarked on in a very long time. What we believed would be a simple blood donation at our nearest Kaiser facility turned into a 3.5 hour trip to Hades. In the end things worked out well and we finally we able to donate at yet another Kaiser facility. All I can say is that someone should have warned me about the needle and I am really thankful I am not a member of Kaiser.

So on Monday I was approached by the same co-worker who once again wanted convey his heartfelt thanks at my willingness to donate and that he and I needed to talk. He came into my office and proceeded to tell me that he and his wife had a very ambitious travel schedule for this year and that they wanted to give Matthew and I their timeshare in Maui. With their other travel commitments they weren't going to be able to use the timeshare and didn't want to loose it. So as a way to say "Thank You!" they decided to give us the timeshare. I was dumbfounded! I never in million years expected anything so extravagant for simply donating my blood. Of course I gave the appropriate response and said it was too much and we couldn't accept it. But I knew I was in for a loosing battle, so I graciously accepted the gift! Can you believe it! I have never been to Hawaii so this is like a dream come true! Warm sand, cool beaches, beautiful flowers and great food!

Anyone have the "must do" list for Maui? Please share!

Uncle Sam's Take

So today I worked on the dreaded income taxes. Yes, I still prepare our income tax filings. However, I really do hate this time of year. The process is tedious and each time I sit down to do it, I cringe! I firmly believe that Uncle Sam has all he needs and he doesn't really need to have the precious amount of money that Matthew and I contribute involuntarily each year! I could do so much more with that money if it stayed in my hands rather than with those imbeciles on Capitol Hill. I will say though, that Matthew and I have been lucky over the years to not get hit too hard and we manage to get a return each year! The only problem is it gets smaller and smaller each time.

Now I know what you are all thinking, have a kid! Yeah right! With this year's election just around the corner, I have to wonder if even having a kid will help us for next year's tax return or not. I seriously doubt it! In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if next year Matthew and I will have to pay back the nice refund we are getting this year along with the refund we are going to get from the Bush's Federal stimulus package. Oh well...I guess I will enjoy what money we receive from the government and do something FUN with it!

Cats, Cats and more Cats!!!

I am a cat lover and have been since my mom brought home the first fluffy orange and white tabby "mouser" when I was 3 years old. In fact that same cat, "Muff" aka "Muffy"was with me through most of my junior year of high school. She began as an outdoor cat with her primary mission to track down and kill the mice in our apartment. Muff moved with us to 4 other homes in the course of her life and end her days living the life of luxury in doors. I will admit that when I was growing up I wasn't always as attentive to Muff mainly because she was only in our home to eat in the morning and evenings. While Muff spent her time romping in the yard, chasing bugs, birds and other critters, I would spend my own time playing in the yard, making mud pies and catching grasshoppers. As I got older, I came to appreciate the love and affection that Muff would bestow upon me. She became my confidante, comforter and cushion. She slept on my bed and in fact we often fought over the same pillow.

When I was in junior high my aunt's cat Autumn came to live with us permanently. Autumn was 10 years younger than Muff and often was the annoying little kitten that constantly got on Muff's nerves. In the early years of Autumn living with us, her and I did not get along because of how much she tormented Muff. That changed when Muff had to be put to sleep due to kidney failure associated with old age. Suddenly I found I didn't have my confidante any longer and Autumn was completely my mom's cat.

Neither Autumn nor Muff were what you would call lap cats, in fact one had to be careful to if Autumn was on their lap as she was a skittery cat and would jump ten feet at any little sound and usually she would dig her claws into your legs prior to that jump! As Autumn got older she mellowed somewhat and eventually became my cat, especially when my mom remarried. Steve (My dad), at the time, was not too fond of cats, in fact he pretty much hated them. Autumn was no longer allowed in my mom's bedroom and found herself relegated to my room. The only problem, I was away at college and only came home on vacations.

I have had cats in my life for over 30 years. The only time I wasn't around cats was during college and the first year after I graduated college. Within 4 months of dating Matthew I was introduced to Cinnamon. Cinnamon was a feral kitten born nearby the apartment complexes that Matthew and I lived in and at the time were actually living in a mutual friend's engine. On an evening when Matthew and Gary were going to work on Gary's car, they opened the hood to the car and 4 kittens scattered. We were able to capture 2 of the kittens but the other 2 and "Mama" were too fast. Animal Control had been called to come and pick up the kittens and while I was waiting I fell in love with the one kitten. I had secretly been wanting a kitten for months but my apartment complex didn't allow us to have cats. Eventually I made a decision to keep the kitten and figured I could hide long enough until I had found a new home. Much to Matthew's chagrin, Cinnamon came home with me that night and has been a part of my/our lives ever since.

Cinnamon is truly a fun cat, however Matthew would call her neurotic. She is the typical single person cat and unlike my other experiences with the feline species, she has to be in the same room as me and constantly follows me around. Cinnamon also wasn't a lap cat in the beginning, however now that is one of her favorite spots to hang out! Matthew, much like my dad is not real enthusiastic about cats. He is truly a dog lover; thus there is a tolerance, albeit hostel, at times between him and Cinnamon. Matthew believes it stems from the fact that for each of the procedures (de-clawing and spaying) he was the one to take Cinnamon to the vet and I got to pick her up afterwards, thus she associates every bad thing that has happened to hear with Matthew. Which is possible! I believe it comes from the fact that he is a dog lover and has not patience for cats and their finicky personalities.

Why does it seem that those who protest the most about their dislike of cats, are easily swayed by the desperate meow of a homeless kitten/cat? Both my dad and Matthew have both fallen victim to that cry and have been transformed! My parents, spear-headed by my dad, eventually adopted two stray kittens who were "unofficially" living in their neighbor's garage. As for Matthew and I, we seem to be the ones who were adopted by two stray cats living in our neighborhood, who unofficially sought refuge in our garage from time to time. Now the garage is their permanent home and we feed them on a regular basis much to the despair of Cinnamon. Cinnamon has not adjusted well to the fact that there are two cats who live in our garage. There isn't any direct contact between the three cats, unless you count the window between them. For the last couple of months, Cinnamon has been obsessed with the cats in the garage, especially once they started making an appearance in our front yard at the same time Cinnamon decided to hang out in the window sill that faced the front yard!! Many nights or early mornings, Matthew and I would wake up to the mewing/howling of cats who are fighting. It took a few times to figure out that it was happening in our own front yard through the front window; thus, we have had to take measures to block the view in the window. However it doesn't stop Cinnamon's early morning vigil of hanging out in the den under the now blocked window or the 50 times she runs up and down the stairs to see if she can catch a peek at the "garage" kitties.

Matthew and I have taken to naming the garage kitties Stripes and Tiny, more as a way to distinguish them when Matthew and I shared stories about our interactions with them. Since both of these cats are strays and spend their lives outside, they are dirty!!! Thus last night I made the decision to give them a bath! Crazy, I know but in the end worth it! See our pictures below.

To Be or Not to Be...Friends!

I recently read in a friend's blog about how people are quick to point out other people's faults but overlook their own. I guess that is what got me to thinking about friendships. For the past several weeks, I have been dwelling on the roles that people play in our lives. There are people in our lives who are our role models, peers, co-workers, mentors, family members, acquaintenances and finally friends. I have specifically been evaluating the people in my life who are my friends and whether or not I am a bad friend.

Webster's defines a friend as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard or esteem.

The interesting part of this definition is the "personal regard". Meaning to have a consideration or protective interest, thus I would interpret this comment to imply that one choses to care about the decisions their friends make during the course of their life. And with that care, may also chose to be more judgemental with said friends.


For the past couple of years, or maybe longer, I have had some of my close friendships hit the rocks. Now mind you I don't have a ton of friends, so when something goes terrible wrong with any of them, my whole world is out of whack! Some of these friendships were new and others I have had for 10 plus years.


In one case, I had apparently had too much personal regard for this friend. At the time both of us were struggling with weight and financial responsibility. We had made some tenative plans to get together for a girls' day outing and in our preparations I had mentioned we should pick an activity that wouldn't be very expensive, trying to mindful of both our financial situations. Now this friend was apparently put off by my comment and did a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde routine with me. Somewhere in my thinking I had over-stepped a line, one that I didn't know existed, in our friendship. Now, mind you, we had been confidentes for quite awhile, trying to be each other's support through Weight Watchers and in life. Unfortunately, in the end we parted ways but not before many tears were shed by me and feelings were hurt. One of the parting comments by this friend was to tell me that I was manipulative and judgemental person and that I was a bad wife and friend. (However I am convinced on this one, she went off her meds!)

Second case, I apparently have too high of expectations for friends. A girlfriend from my high school days lives in a large Metropolitian city that I recently visited to attend a women's conference and see my mom. My mom does not live in this town and I was arriving very early in the day. So for weeks in advance I had been trying to make lunch plans with this friend with the hopes she could pick me up at the airport, take me to lunch and drop me off at the hotel in which my mom and I were staying. Never got a response until the night before telling me that she couldn't do lunch and that to ask her to pick me up at the airport was not feasible. Here is the caveat to the story, this friend has traveled to my neck of the woods many times over the past 10 years for work related conferences and each time she came, I was more than happy to pick her up at the airport and spend time with her during her down time. Yet when I need the same favor she is nowhere to be found and how dare I ask it of her. Well I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt after all she and her husband were in the middle of a foster child/adoption. So this last Thanksgiving, I again had to go to her neck of the woods to follow-up on a Customer. I knew 1 month in advance that I would be traveling to her city and again wanted to make plans to visit with her and her family along with my husband. I sent emails, left phone messages at her home and place of employment. I even booked my overnight stay at the hotel in which she works. All to have her husband tell me on the night I hoped to be able to see them, that his mother was coming in and it wouldn't be feasible to see us. Why couldn't she have told me this prior to my trip. Was it so hard to pick up the phone and call me or better yet email me?


Third case, I have too much protective interest and am judgemental about the decisions made by this friend. She and I have been friends since college and I would label her as my best friend. We were in each other's weddings, she introduced me to my husband, I spent 28 hours in a hospital while she gave birth to her first baby and we have been through just about everything together. Both of us were only children raised solely by our moms and both of us are stubborn, to a fault at times. So, as you can see we had a lot in common, which is why we have been such good friends until lately. It seems that as I have grown up/matured, settled into a career and gotten married; that even though she is married with a baby she hasn't really grown up or matured. Everytime I turn around she and her husband were changing jobs/careers or moving. Each time one of these major changes happened it was always because my friend was unhappy. Well after about the 4th move and 4th job change you can imagine that both Matthew and I were concerned that it had to be something more. Why wasn't she happy? She has a wonderful husband, beautiful baby, network of supportive family and friends and loss a ton of weight through surgery. Again I was in a situation with a dear friend that I was going to play the role of judgemental bad friend.

We began to notice that it was always Matthew and I to initate contact or outings, Matthew and I had to travel to see them, Matthew and I would drop things in a heartbeat to lend them a helping hand. However none of this was ever reciprocated. We would make plans and at the last minute they would cancel on us. I began to question things about this friend and at times would even bring up the issues with her. After all, isn't this something you are suppose to be able to do with your best friend. Apparently I was wrong, I can't tell you how many times in the last couple of years I have brought up issues, we discuss them and then they are swept underneath the carpet as if nothing ever happened. You know what happens to dirt under the carpet? It has a nasty way of re-surfacing when it gets windy! So now because of my stubborness about refusing to confront the issues yet again, we have been written off by my friend. We were not told of their 5th move, didn't receive a Christmas card (the all important first family photo kind) and did not receive an invitation to their daughter's 1st birthday party, which needless to say is tomorrow. I even wrote her an email about 2 months ago in the hopes to better communicate my feelings and the issues in our friendship only to have it all thrown back in my face that I am a bad friend.

Do you sense a theme here? I do! I'm a bad friend! Yes, I am judgemental, over-bearing/over protective and dang it I have some very high expectations! I mean well and will mostlikely over-step my bounds, but that is what I believe friends are suppose to do for each other. I never said I was perfect and I certainly didn't say I wouldn't make mistakes along the way! In fact, I believe I will make many more mistakes or bad judgements before this journey we call life is over! I just hope that I have friends in my life now who care enough about me to tell me when I've screwed up and can do it in a way that tells me I'm still their friend good or bad!

Ugh! Computers!!

Some days I really hate computers!! My office computer has been on the fritz for several weeks and I finally registered a complaint with the IT dept the first week of January. When our IT rep came in to review the issues with my computer, I was told that I would have to wait in line as there were several other computers ahead of me due for major maintenance, including the President's computer. (Interesting, we just bought him a new one a couple of months ago! Hmmm...) On February 1st, I moved to a new office location and somewhere in the move and getting set-up again the computer actually crashed! (so much for being at the bottom of the list!) I once again raised the complaint with our IT dept. This time I was told I would still have to wait because our IT rep was doing a complete overview of our computer needs and the review wouldn't be completed for a couple of weeks. So basically for the last 3 weeks I have been lugging my laptop computer back and forth between home and the office. This hasn't been too much of a problem until this week. Sometime between last Friday and yesterdat, the sound went out in my computer as well as the internal wireless card. I again registered a complaint with the IT dept, luckily our rep was scheduled to be on site today. After working on the darn machine for 1 hour, he came to the same conclusion both Matthew and I had the previous night, the wireless card went bad as did the speakers and/or sound card. Thus the cost to continue to fix it would cost more that buying a new one. So as it stands now, I will be getting a new desktop that is suppose to arrive and be set-up this Friday and a new laptop has been ordered for me and should be here in a couple of weeks. Now I have to prep for a new computer, which means transfering all my files and personal programs onto an external hard drive so that I can install on the new laptop when it arrives. This takes quite a bit a time, especially when you weren't expecting to have to do it!

I have to wonder what exactly did we do before computers came into the workplace and our lives? There is not a single task that I do now with my new job that can be done without the computer. Hmmm...

Rainy Day Activities

What are your favorite rainy day activities? Besides, sleeping in, mine are reading a good book with a nice cup of tea or coffee, watching sappy old romance movies, and lazying around in my pajamas. Well, yesterday Matthew and I embarked on the ultimate rainy day activity! It did not include a day in pajamas, although I might change my mind next time! It did not include sleeping in or reading a good book. It didn't even include watching sappy old romance movies, wait does Juno count? But it did include a nice cup of coffee and tea (that was eventually spilled on my non-Louis Vitton purse) and 12 hours of movies aka "The Best In Picture Oscar Showcase". This is the second year that Matthew and I have embarked on this journey with our friends Jodie and Richard and it has become kind a bit of fun!

The local AMC theaters, (in select locations only) play the five movies nominated for the Oscar's Best Picture category. The cost is very reasonable to see five movies back to back, when the going rate for any movie is $10 and you can do this all for one low price of $30, now that's a deal! Couple that with free refills on Popcorn and Soda and you are set! I won't bore you with the movies we watched as they were not that memorable and Matthew and I are still scratching our heads on why these five were nominated, because as a whole they weren't that entertaining! I kind of liked Atonement and Juno was hilarious, but not Oscar caliber, and you can forget the others!

In preparation for this year's activity, Matthew and I decided we would sneak in our own candy, which eventually lead to our own beverages. (Jodie, next time we need a cooler!). Matthew went on Friday night to the local CVS to pick up some candy. I had requested M & M's and Twizzlers, which are my favorite movie going candy! What my husband actually brought home, caused the cashier to ask him if he was doing his Easter baskets already! That is a lot of candy folks. He had, the items I had requested, plus Whoppers, Milk Duds, Red Vines (because Twizzlers are not real licorice) and Robin's Eggs. Why do you need two types of chocolate covered malted balls? (Matthew's answer: you need the shiny hard candy shell!!)

Matthew and I left our house early as we were to meet Jodie and Richard at 10:00 a.m. We stopped for breakfast and Starbucks and made our way to the theater. Since we got there early, we decided to eat our breakfast in the car, thus we would only have to sneak in my Starbucks, as the candy was buried in my purse. We met Richard at the door and made our way to theater 21, our home away from home for the next 12 hours, which was smaller than last year's and learned that they were not offering free refills on the Soda this year (hence Matthew sneaking in beverages). We found our seats, thanks to Richard some of the best in the house, Center - Center, then he and Matthew were off and running to get lunches, more Starbucks and beverages. Then it was everyone's turn to use the restroom and get our Popcorn and 1 Soda before the shows began. No sooner had I returned to my seat than I hear this loud "Crap" from Jodie and a desperate plea for more napkins. It seems in all our bustling, she had knocked over her chai latte tea and proceeded to flood the floor beneath our seats and the row below us, including giving my purse a good splash. (Okay, maybe I exaggerate, but it sure seemed to take a ton of napkins to clean up that mess!)

All in all it was a good day with Friends, movies and sushi! I definitely believe that this will be a tradition for years to come! Here are some pictures below to commemorate the day!

Credit: Photo By Jodie Noblett

Credit: Photo provided by Jodie Noblett
Credit: Photo Provide by Jodie Noblett

Credit: Photo provided by Jodie Noblett

Check out my Slide Show!